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Him, Love, Broken

Him, Love, Broken

For long I thought, he was just mine,
Afterall I had once married him and as a wife,
I should have that feeling, shouldn't I?
In my case,
it was like I was forcing myself to say that, he's mine because I could never accept it from the heart.
It was true, that I loved him, but that love just stayed because I stayed with him in one roof, and it was natural for me, to get used to him being with me.
I won't lie, he did give me a feeling of love and security, I felt safe in his arms.
He gave me everything I wished for, but still, I could never give him my all.
Every night was a nightmare to me, he used to sleep facing towards me, so that he could see my face when he falls asleep and gets up in the morning, made me realize his love for me, on the other side, I was the one who used to change my side from his face to a wall, just because I couldn't look into his eyes, it felt like I was cheating with him. Not with a man, but with my feelings, by lying to him each day, that I love him just like the day, I proposed him, and ask him, "Will you marry me?"
I don't know, why I don't wish to say this to him anymore...
I don't know why I doubt myself, that did I ever really loved it, or it is that now I don't...
But, I argued, how can it be that I loved him then and not now?
Then my heart whispered, "I loved that man once"
And, then I knew, that once didn't mean forever anymore!

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